Top Baby Names for 2015 For Girls: Edith LOLita Tsunami Lena Catnyss Tertiary Booella Cuticle Sideeye Heaetheryne Fergonce Jill Stressanie Cytherea Wiig For Boys: Sturgeon Quaef Kilgore Cohagen Zuck Garrison CK Holden Jill Hermannn Django Stark Thom Loder Derp
With the upcoming release of She & Him’s new Christmas album, Feist’s new warbled melodies dropping into eardrums just a few weeks ago, and Pomplamoose continuing to DIY do what they DIY do, I coined a character for the The Paper Machete to celebrate all the breathy starlets gracing the airwaves as of late. Nadine [...]
Coal :: Diamonds as Old People :: Werther’s Originals What’s the origin of those candies that sit relatively untouched on your Grandmother’s coffee table? Patiently waiting for someone to feast upon them, stationed in their crystal bowl next to Nana’s davenport. Now, don’t confuse Werther’s with some of the other common confectionery treats. Sometimes Grandma [...]
Here’s my list of “Rejected List Ideas for McSweeney’s List Submissions”: Excuses I’ve made for crying in public. “Deep Space Nine” character pairings that inspire masturbation Science projects that will end in diarrhea Historical political figures whose wieners wouldn’t cause a Twitter scandal Top foods to offer an eagle Topics to avoid with Davey Crocket [...]
“This story you’re telling me? This story is birth control,” I told my sister. Today I heard stories of people launching babies into the world through their young, ignorant loins. The choice was made to procreate for a reason they saw fit–completely not the right reason, but they had a baby. Before pregnancy, the young [...]
Penn & Teller inspired card tricks. Female magician inspired skank costume. Impress These Apes – Week 4 – Thea from Blewt! Productions on Vimeo.
Yesterday before the performance, I went to change in the ladies bathroom into my adult-sized flower costume. (Typical Monday…) The toilet seat was down. I lift the toilet seat up. BEHOLD! A Secret Shitter left a deuce for someone to find. Was she the type who leaves a shit on purpose, or was she just [...]
Gym “The Neck” Guy hasn’t changed his salutation yet, which leads to additional awkwardness and irrational annoyance towards a perfectly nice human being. “What’s up?” he asked, rather than “How’s it going” or “How are you” or “I shouldn’t speak unless it’s about protein shakes.” “…Nothing much,” I said, searching for how to properly communicate [...]
Hey there, gym guy with Texas-sized shoulders and a pitbull-esque neck. Yeah, it makes sense to work at a gym if you want your career to be to maintain a body mass the size of Jupiter. Don’t mind me. I’m just trying to lose 5-10 pounds in my face because I have headshots coming up [...]
Key Word Search Time! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP-CLAP-CLAP! Time to review what brings people to my little corner of the world. All eight of you. Hello there. thea what have you done - Other than, “Yeah, really, what the hell have I done?.” This person clicked on the public zit lancing post after googling this. (Warning: [...]
