Here’s my new comedy headshot.

Seal’s new album, “Soul 2″, dropped shortly after his divorce with super model Heidi Klum was leaked to the media. To the right are the actual songs that may have scored the turmoil before the split. Tracks not included on “Soul 2″ include:

“I Like What You’ve Done with the Guest Bedroom”
“I Just Don’t Want to Give You My Password (All Right)”
“I Didn’t Hurt Your Dog”
“Who’s That Man? Nevermind, I Don’t Wanna Know”
“Shame Eating My Love for You”
“Who Gets the Couch Tonight?”
“Let’s Put a Positive Spin on Something for Once”
“You’re German, You Mumble, and It’s Irritating”
“Stick it to Me? Stick it to You! (Baby)”
“Pre-nup-a-doo-wop”
“It’d Be Nice if You Weren’t Always Out of Town”
“(You Tell Me) Should I Be Worried?”
“These Aren’t Tears of Joy”
“Suddenly I See (What a Bitch You Are)”

My friends in Awkward Spaceship write funny things. Sometimes I get to be in these funny things:

Lost that one bra of mine.

Audition calls for hip outfit.

Hip outfit brought to work.

I discover the hip outfit does not work with the new bra.

I stare at my bra openly displayed by the low cut top in the bathroom mirror hoping to change the cut of the shirt with merely my mind.

Bra still fully on display.

Schedule telekinesis class.

Find matching sports bra in gym bag at work.

Smell bra to check for stank factor.

Stank factor little to none, aka, tolerable.

Put on sports bra.

Problem solved!

Sports bra smooshes boobs and give me the silhouette of a female body builder.

Problem 2 created.

Low cut shirt now displays loose fabric where boobs should go, ie, boob-pockets instead of ample-bosom.

I WILL STUFF MY BRA!

Really, brain?

HOW DO PEOPLE DO THAT?

Folding the toilet paper into squares I put them in my bra.

WHY DO I NOT KNOW HOW TO DO THIS?

Boobs are shoved to middle of my chest and propped up poorly with crinkle toilet paper.

I SHOULD BE ABLE TO FIGURE THIS OUT. WOMEN DO THIS. I AM A WOMAN.

Boobs slump back to their original positioning.

Revert back to square stuffing.

Squares do not make bosom “heaving.”

Squares make thick square outline under the shirt.

Boob-pockets now filled with square tissue boobs resembling a package of bologna.

Go to audition.

People were dressed like hipsters instead of hip marketing majors.

I could have worn jeans and a tee-shirt.

Patenting “Bologna Boobs.”

Ask yourself, “What would Jesus do?” Then ask yourself, “What would Jesus forget to do?”

My friend suggested flossing.
Jesus also probably forgot to check his voice messages.
Busy guy.

Now in video reality, The Nurse Novels on Chic-A-Go-Go.

Even though there are guitarists in New Hampshire, The Nurse Novels exist in the hearts and minds of Chicago cable television. (Plus, Pavement didn’t live in the same state for years. We are completely just like Pavement.) We’re looking at a February (digital) release and listening party for our full-length album, “Frozen Muzak”. The broadcast of Chicago’s greatest children’s dance rock n’ roll cable access show, Chic-A-Go-Go, filmed yesterday should accompany the release nicely.

Thanks to some of our talented friends, The Nurse Novels family was beefed up and had fun shaking many a tail feather.

This screen grab from CNN’s site is proof that Marcus Bachmann is gay, right? I mean, I might be totally wrong. I have no idea how the internet works. I thought it was like, you visit a site or two and the internet saves your cookies or something. Things pop up on the side and are suggested based on your preferences? I’m totally haunted by Nordstrom shoe ads.

To be fair, Marcus Bachmann isn’t the only one haunted by Anderson Cooper’s dreamy silver n’ blues. And to be honest, Anderson might have some issues with Marcus’s politics. And by “politics” I mean his terrifyingly narrow-minded, purposefully hateful, homophobic wife.

There is no reason for me to be irritated by these things. There should be no malice. Fully copping these annoyances to be completely irrational.

• Irrational Annoyance #29: Guy at the gym wearing Toms.
• Irrational Annoyance #84: Cyclist with a lollipop in his mouth. Smug motherfucker.
• Irrational Annoyance #211: Linking to your blog if you don’t update your blog.
• Irrational Annoyance #216: Pudgy guy jogging down the city street in bare feet.
• Irrational Annoyance #217: Those damn toe shoes. Addendum: I welcome toe shoes over bare feet jogging.
• Irrational Annoyance #289: Bible verse bookmarks.
• Irrational Annoyance #432: Strangers humming to themselves in public.
• Irrational Annoyance #142: Your Mad Men Twitter Avatar (back when it was first a thing)
• Irrational Annoyance #144: Your Mad Men Twitter Avatar (now when it’s not a thing)
• Irrational Annoyance #17: Santa hats as winter hats

This is hilarious if you know me and what my face looks like…Or if you are a nice person who just laughs without knowing the context of things.