Lost that one bra of mine.

Audition calls for hip outfit.

Hip outfit brought to work.

I discover the hip outfit does not work with the new bra.

I stare at my bra openly displayed by the low cut top in the bathroom mirror hoping to change the cut of the shirt with merely my mind.

Bra still fully on display.

Schedule telekinesis class.

Find matching sports bra in gym bag at work.

Smell bra to check for stank factor.

Stank factor little to none, aka, tolerable.

Put on sports bra.

Problem solved!

Sports bra smooshes boobs and give me the silhouette of a female body builder.

Problem 2 created.

Low cut shirt now displays loose fabric where boobs should go, ie, boob-pockets instead of ample-bosom.

I WILL STUFF MY BRA!

Really, brain?

HOW DO PEOPLE DO THAT?

Folding the toilet paper into squares I put them in my bra.

WHY DO I NOT KNOW HOW TO DO THIS?

Boobs are shoved to middle of my chest and propped up poorly with crinkle toilet paper.

I SHOULD BE ABLE TO FIGURE THIS OUT. WOMEN DO THIS. I AM A WOMAN.

Boobs slump back to their original positioning.

Revert back to square stuffing.

Squares do not make bosom “heaving.”

Squares make thick square outline under the shirt.

Boob-pockets now filled with square tissue boobs resembling a package of bologna.

Go to audition.

People were dressed like hipsters instead of hip marketing majors.

I could have worn jeans and a tee-shirt.

Patenting “Bologna Boobs.”