I originally found a cute wedding dress for $30 on Craigslist sold by this equally cute hipster chick.  She told me, “I bought this and then I found a dress that suited me better.”  There’s something about the human spirit that can’t turn down a $30 wedding dress that fits you, so I bought it.  I tried it on without a mirror in their bedroom.  Her cats judging me as they lounged on the bed.  Me, struggling by myself to zip the dress on my own.  The hipster couple waiting for me to exit their house as they were packing for their move the following week.  I’m sure that’s what ever girl dreams of when she tries on her wedding dress, right?  It did fit, and it was a completely acceptable wedding dress, but it was just a little… er…a little too wedding-y.  Models make dresses look so much better.  Also, this whole wedding planning experience and lack of emotional response to anything traditional convinces me I might just be a robot.

So I found a cocktail dress that’s more my style and decided to do the same favor by selling the dress for cheaps on the same site.  I received a response a day later.

“Hi.  Is the dress still available?”
“Yes!  I’m only home a bit over the weekend, but you’re welcome to come over and try it on.”

That was easy.  This dress has found a home, or at least another another indecisive bride with a nonexistent budget.

Then I received the next response:

Thanks for the response and how is your day going?, I’m buying this wedding dress for my daughter which her wedding will coming up soon .And i will be making the payment to you by {Money Order } as its the only way i can pay you at the moment, Because am presently out of states for a business Trip. .

Meanwhile i would more than  appreciate if you can attach some pics of Dress for me to see, And as per the shipping I will make arrangement for the pick-up with my mover’s after payment have been received and processed by you. I have a reliable mover’s who will come over for the pickup after payment as been receive by you .I don’t mind offering  you an extra $40.00 so you can keep the Dress in my  favour .Kindly reply back with your,

Full Name,

Home  OR OFFICE Address,

City,

State,

Zip Code.
where you want me to mail the payment So i can have my personal assistant mail the Money Order to you.and Also  include your cell phone # where i can reach you at so i can call you via my V-Card immediately the payment is sent so you . Please take the posting off craigslist today and consider it sold to me..
I’ll be waiting for your swift response with the information for payment procedure today..
Regards
Ade C Lawrence
Sift Investment Ltd

Dang it…

“Sorry, cash and local pick ups only.  Good luck,” I tell my new best friend on Craigslist.

It’s a pity.  I’m sure Ade’s daughter would have loved that dress until she found another one that was more her style.

Workshops for the upcoming show, “Pancake Breakfast” prove satisfying and exciting.

Most ridiculous work week ever in the history of work weeks.

Our theater company takes its show to NYC Fringe and suggests you buy a ticket before it’s even more sold out.  Because the first show kinda sorta sold out.  Somewhere, a strange fan yells, “Boo-yah!”

Have a pretty big audition on Friday that has already been done by more heavy hitters than me.  I equate that to meaning, “Just be yourself, because they’ll cast someone from Second City anyway,” and, “Let’s just study up for this one and not embarrass ourselves, okay?”

Also had a “Let’s see what comes of this” just-for-shits audition.  The goal was to build up the film reel.  The result: A less than stellar audition and experience points gained in the world of on-camera film auditions.  Luckily it’s easily shake-offable.

We’ve entered the month and a half until the wedding phase and all its, “we can’t afford this, therefore we deem it unimportant” glory.

I’ve forgotten how to write songs with a guitar after playing a banjo for 3 months.

I’m desperately craving time to nurture my wounded creative side.  To survive artistically until an essay or song idea surfaces, I’m making handmade boutonnieres.  Which just makes me want to become a jewelry artist.  Oh, and I also am saving up for a fancy digital camera because I want to be good at another thing that YouTube doesn’t care about.

The band from “That Sordid Little Story” will be performing outside of the theater world over Labor Day.  The rock band will be performing on September 11th at Schubas.  We’ll be finishing the recording and mixing the remaining songs (we already have 3 mastered for the 1st single, “In Poor Tense”) in October.

And so ends my pre-Xmas letter with a ridiculous amount of written air quotes.

I booked a commercial. One of those late night/mid-afternoon 18 to 30 seconds advertisements telling people to re-examine their life and go back to school.

“My life is a mess, then I found [insert college name].”

Literally.  We did about six different versions each with a different college name.  Then I listed three possible careers one could study.  Cut.  Three new careers.  Cut.  Three new careers… “Cardiovascular Sonography, Medical Billing and Coding… Video and Game Design.”  Yes, it’s one of those kind of commercials.  I’m changing lives, people.  Probably at about 12:45 in the afternoon during an Oprah commercial break.  I’ll take it.  I have wedding cupcakes to pay for soon.

“Hey kid, are you like me and want pursue your passion with your free time but you’ve wracked up enough college and fun miscellaneous debt to keep you pinned down to a day time job that you can’t afford to quit?  Yeah… no one cares, so here are some careers that you wished you had some desire to study so you could just be normal and move to the suburbs.  Good luck with that welding degree.  Hope you have a minor in accounting, you blissfully ignorant 18 to 22 year-old.  Tell your loving and supportive parents they are committing acts of child abuse by attending those piano recitals of yours.  You can’t solder rent, Pinocchio! Why don’t you just crochet a retirement fund while you’re at it?!”

It’s a little strange when you are essentially describing your own life in all its proud, artistic instability while being paid to tell someone in your same predicament that they shouldn’t be doing what you’re doing.