vacation prep
Going on vacation to Puerto Rico where there is apparently something called “heat” and “sunshine.” Even though it’s considered US territory, that’s a foreign concept to me. But when looking at the weather report I see something more familiar to my vocabulary, “rain and thunderstorms.” Hopefully that’s not Spanish weather talk for “tropical storm.”
Also prepping for swimsuits and traveling. Bikini waxes, even basic ones, make the female region so much more amusing than usual. Pained and raw after the initial procedure, the freshly shorn pelvis appears vulnerable, injured even, as the non-waxed area is surrounded by a moat of seemingly sunburned skin. If you ever had trouble locating a woman’s genitals, never fear; a waxing will clearly outline the approximate region. Also after a waxing, if you put your ear close and listen hard enough you can hear the faint crying of Gloria Steinem.
Eight minutes of small talk while a woman rips out your follicles. 55 dollars (plus tip) for a week without razor burn. God I love beauty and being so beautiful. Now, it’s not like I’m craving an hour long session or need endless small talk from the esthetician as she’s noodling with my noodle parts. It’s difficult to talk about the weather (and you know that poor girl must have to talk about the goddamn weather with every goddamn client who comes in all the goddamn time) when every three seconds you’re attempting not to wince or bleed from your eyes. But 55 bucks for 8 minutes? That’s more painful than the waxing. At least compliment my socks or something. But hey, no razor burn, right Gloria? Beauty is so worth it and I love being full of beauty.
And with that too much information, I’ll be on vacation now.
