I was sent the production details for Monday’s shoot.

The location is about 60 miles outside of the city in the middle of Nowhere, Illinois. Currently I have no car, which means I get to challenge Enterprise to match ZipCar’s price and hope they have two Audis knife fight in the alley to pick the winner. First slashed tire is the loser.

The best thing so far is that there is a Snow Crew. The main special effects guy? Job Title:  SNOW KING. Royalty! Mystical royalty gracefully floating down from the arctic heavens! I hope he hangs from a crane in an icy bubble barking orders to his cob-piped subjects.  He’ll rip out a coal eye to make an example of an unruly Snow Man who dared to make two snowflakes alike.  Threatening them with a warm hug or a hairdyer if they go against his bidding.

You’re wasting time! I want it to cover as far as the eye can see. My palace shall rule past the temperate zones and will chill the equator’s humid wrath. Shut up, it is possible! Don’t question me!  I will make it so!  I AM THE SNOW KING!