you’ve found me
With this new website I can finally track what people search for to get here.
It’s pretty easy to find me online–something I think about each time I’m handing a customer my business card–but sometimes folks seek out something different and land on this lil’ blog instead. (I enjoy reading others’ Keyword Analysis” posts, so I’m following suit.)
A lot of times it’s just my name in various forms, with or without spaces, cAPS lOCK oN… And you’ve found me, I see. Hello, again. How’s that computer working out for you?
Second, either people were seeking out that gross-out zit slaughter video I posted, or there is a poor soul with bubbly epidermis in serious need of a dermatologist. And third, I’m hoping someone just misspelled “public.”
Of course all this analyzation does is make you Google to see what actually comes up as the first hit. Because mine is not the first when seeking out “women AND beer.” Why does one scour the depths of the intra-web, browsing through page after (generally slightly sexual) page and decide to settle on clicking on this site? Looking at the search, “women AND beer,” it’s very apparent how important it is that both words are recognized.
LIGHTS UP
“Look up something to do tonight.”
“Seriously, c’mon.”
“I want to get laid and have a beer, what do you want me to search for?”
“Be specific.”
“What? Look, ‘I’m feeling lucky.’ See?”
“Do you want to get laid or have a beer?”
“I want both.”
“Well, put both words then.”
“No, but I don’t want to drink “women beer.” That’s just gonna pull up an Amstel Lite page.”
“Okay, so…?”
“So, there has to be both things designated in the search engine. Because we’re not looking for just chicks. We’re looking for chicks AND liquor. But not liquor, because those liquor chicks are stuck up, like, with their flavored cotton candy vodka drinks and shit, you know?”
“Yeah, that pussy shit is awful. AND expensive.”
“AND expensive, right!”
“Okay, let’s rephrase. So, I’m not looking for chicks, because chicks are bitches who are all too young and crazy.”
“AND crazy.”
“Young AND crazy.”
“Yeah. We’re looking for women. And I don’t know about you, but I like a beer after the game, right? AND I like a woman after the game.”
“Hey, maybe we should look up if there are any women AND beers out there.”
“No, you gotta capitalize the word ‘AND,’ otherwise Google won’t know.”
“We’re gonna get laid.”
“We’re feeling luck-kay!”
“Ew…What the fuck? What’s this site about zit-lancing?”
SCENE
Hi Thea – it was me who found you via “women AND beer” – (and found this post by searching for it again!). This post is hilarious, but sadly the truth is a bit more prosaic. I work in online PR and one of my clients is an new initiative which addresses the beer industry’s focus on men. I search for blog posts with the key words “women” and “beer” to try and find interesting discussions and stories about women and their beer drinking habits – I guess capitalising the AND doesn’t really do anything, but I’m glad it piqued your imagination…
omg… are you published? You should totally be published.
Kate. I love it. And thank you for the creative inspiration and for finding me again.
I am happy to provide all of the answers for all women about their drinking habits. Let me be the voice of America… Wait, that is so not a good idea. Carry on.
I have not been published. I should totally be published. I have no idea how to be published.
Have fun with the “bits” portion of the last blog I wrote. Kept it up for a long time, and there are plenty of time-wasting essays regarding my humiliation and conquests. Livejournal (bless its heart), was good to me but made me frustrated when things were available for free on another blog server.
Writings!
Let me know if you need help with the Google stuff! Take care Thea.