So apparently I throw a mean fake snowball.

Today, on my day off, I did things like eat diner food, make a mess of a painting for my friend’s wedding present, and not show up for a callback.

What? No, you said it was Tuesday. Today?! I was under the impression that it was Tuesday. “They really want to see me?” Yeah, I thought it was tomorrow and I would have reserved a car… Okay, I’ll be there as soon as I can… Shit.

I felt myself turning into a superhero as I changed from the smelly ‘ol me to “The Girlfriend.” I imagined a bionic A-Team soundtrack playing as I:

Checked my balance to see if reserving a ZipCar would overdraw the account. Hopped in and out of shower. Donned pants and undies. Put shit in hair to tame mane to accomplish the Girlfriend-Do. Reserved ZipCar. Why am I doing this topless? Put on shirt. Got my hair did. This hairdryer is very near death and hazardous. Didn’t catch on fire. Cursed at the fact that I was positive the appointment was for tomorrow. Realized the closest ZipCar is half a mile away. Shook fist in air. Checked calendar to prove that I wrote down Tuesday and not Monday. Patted self on back and gloated to no one. Biked to ZipCar… Which is in a parking garage with apparently no entrance. Found the entrance. Sat in traffic and arrived at casting agency.

In the waiting room are (again) the “Real People.” Real people with interesting talents or stories. And who like to dress like cowboys and tote around guitars, apparently.

I checked in an hour and a half after my call time and noticed I’m amongst a group of Reals. There was a woman who eyed me carrying my head shot.

“We were supposed to bring head shots?”
“You’re fine. I was supposed to be here earlier. There was a mix up.”

This attempt to calm her fears wasn’t good enough. I could tell by her tone that this Real Woman probably has a head shot and wants to be an Actress, not a Real Woman. She should realize she should not only always have her head shot on her at all times, but she should be able to whip it out like a dove from a magician’s coat sleeve. Or just dress like a cowboy.

The casting director came out, saw me and apologized to the Reals for the delay.
“You all just have such interesting stories,” she said as she pulled me into the room before the others.

She excused me by jokingly saying, “She’s an actor, she’s not a real person.” I’m starting to enjoy this joke if it gets me to the front of the line.

I got into the room and realized there’s no scene partner. I’m supposed to have a snowball fight, what the hell? Then the director just asked me about myself.
Acting background? Improv and comedy.
Do you do drama? Shit… I can do drama, why didn’t I say drama? Yes, improv gives you the tools I need to just respond to the scene regardless of if it’s comedy or drama. What are you, writing a thesis?
So, you just do stage? Where are they getting this? Oh, the fact that I have no screen experience listed on my resume… No, not just stage, I do anything. Shit… I’ve done screen stuff, right? Short films in college? I’ve done some short films. Don’t mention that you booked a commercial. That’s totally not important. I normally did stuff behind the camera. WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?! YOU WANT TO ACT IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA! IN FRONT!

I started a theater company. Good! We’ve been around a year. Who cares?! Yeah, I don’t act specifically for stage, I just do what it takes to pay the bills with acting… Does that sound weird? You wanted to say, “Does that sound desperate.” Good save, dummy. Now stand there awkwardly until they dismiss you.

Aaaaand, thanks for your time.

Real (Now Self-Proclaimed Nosey) Woman saw me come out of the room after being in there for only about 3 minutes. She was either nervous for me or herself, I couldn’t tell.

“That was fast… You weren’t in there long at all.”
“Yeah, they just needed to see me. It’s for something different from what you’re doing.”
“Sorry I’m being so nosey,” she catches herself.
“No worries. It’s just for something different.”

I started driving home. Pissed that I was thrown by the non-traditional callback. I even called my agent to make I missed something from not being at the the earlier call. “No, another actress said that it was stranger than most.” Okay, I felt better. I tried to shake it off as I sat in traffic again. It’s just an audition.

Ten minutes later, still stuck in traffic, the phone rings again. The Agent tells me they’d like to see me again tomorrow. They really liked me.

What does this mean? My bank account is screaming and my hopes are up and I have to finish this wedding present by Saturday and work at the Computer Store tomorrow and go to a rehearsal tonight and find out Tupperware is possibly doing a run at a great theater come holiday time and I’m so in debt, I’m so fucking in debt and and and… They LIKED me and I have no idea what I did? What the fuck did I do?!

Deep breath. They either will like me or not. Deep breath. Don’t get any hopes up. DON’T. Let’s see how tomorrow goes and later worry about how to feasibly ask off work if this is actually booked. I hate writing about shit that might not happen, but it’s all the brain thinks about sometimes.