This week, other than the restructuring of my department at work (also known as the popular catch phrase of 2009 , “In This Economy?”), I have an audition for one of one of those School Universites adults go to when they’re too busy to go to The School University. I’ll play a woman who considers this option after her Elevator Friend mentions the success in balancing her life, job and family, not to mention classes.

I’d have a better chance if there’s an opportunity to judge the person.

ME: How do you mange to fit in classes after work with a family?

ELEVATOR FRIEND: They work with my schedule.

ME: Ah… It still must really suck though.

ELEVATOR FRIEND: …Yup.

ME: You ever wish you didn’t have children?

ELEVATOR FRIEND:   What?

ME: I mean, let’s be honest, that would make this a lot easier. School’s not gonna make you get back the life you had before you “made the decision to have children.”

ELEVATOR FRIEND: I don’t like the tone of your air quotes.

Elevator Friend leaves.

ME: (Calling after her) Well, I don’t like that you lost your figure after childbirth!  And why would I care?  It’s not my butt, so that must be how bad your butt is, right? HEY!  Have fun at “class” tonight!  Turn around!  I said, “Have ‘fun’ in ‘class’ tonight!” See?!  AIR QUOTES!  I’m being sarcastic!